The Right to Bear Claws

I'm afraid your little 10-18 will just have to wait.

We should probably see if your iPod's there as well.

They should have to stay late, Miss Grundy

That's it, no more eucalyptus tree tours for you.

Thanks for making it so easy, Don Draper

Betty's got her Wilson back!

Take your time, Ma'am, we need to be sure.

That's why I bought your ring off Craigslist

On the other hand, it's time for our coffee break.

Why is Elmer always saying, "Wee wee wee"?

How many commas did the number have, Sweetie?

I'm also getting kind of attached to Bubba.

In fact, my nipple is being bronzed right now.

Nobody wants to be in the bottom three quarters.

And how long did I say you have?

I'd better phone Mom and make sure she's watching.

"The usual long distance charges will apply."

I cleaned and dressed her in Ladies' Accessories.

I don't really need hands-free. Tongue-free is fine.

I don't really need a walker, it's just handier.

I told him not to sit on walls!

Turn a bit, I want to see what he scored.

That line is free now. I'll put you through.

Nobody knows the trouble I've seen.

And don't get me started on their beef dip sauce.

My name is Gibson, and I'm a wide receiver.

Okay if I just stand downwind?

Having fun, Nana? This party's for you!

It's over, Donald. Take your punishment like a duck.

Sneeze or blow, but never pick. Trust me on this.

Who would have guessed? One wayward peanut, placed there by persons unknown, and my spotless blogging reputation is thrown into disrepute. Thank goodness that's over. The authorities have been alerted, of course, and the perpetrator of this despicable crime will have not only the Royal Canadian Mounted Police to deal with, but his own tortured conscience as well. I plan to search my heart for forgiveness. I trust you will do the same.

Your patience and warm wishes gave me and my family courage through this difficult ordeal. To show our gratitude, there will be free candy for you, if you would be so kind as to drop by our home on October 31. Wear a costume, and carry a bag so we can recognize you. In light of the emotional strain these events have placed on our family, we ask that you refrain from leaving burning bags of dogshit on our front step.

Thank you. We cannot adequately express our gratitude for your patience throughout this ordeal, but we hope that you will accept tomorrow's duck cartoon as a small measure of our appreciation.