,100!
Yes, it's true! In under two short weeks, my brand new website has amassed over ,100 visits from websurfers like you, who live far and wide, and who have endured untold hardships in order to find my new website because you worship and adore me. Nobody can take those triple figures away from me. I have earned my leading comma, and I'm bloody well going to show it.

Thank you all. It's great to be back among the ranks of the blog-enabled. I would also like to thank my Mom.

With utmost sincerity and gratitude, but without being gushy or maudlin,
- Truthful Cooper

Mr. Green;

My client, Jozef Ratzinger (aka Pope) wonders if you have ever heard the phrase 'eternal damnation'. Also, he wishes to suggest that you never utter another word, any word, to anyone ever again. Are we clear? Nod twice for yes.

Yours truly,
Swanee Chickpea Gloria Dross-Hammer
Attorney At Law

Mr. Cooper Green

Mr. Eldrick Tont Woods, commonly known as Tiger Woods, has retained our firm as a result of a defamatory post that recently appeared on your blog "Talk Puppets". Mr. Woods is understandably all aquiver as a result of this post, which unreasonably draws attention to his recent randy behaviour. As his Attorney, on behalf of Mr. Woods I require you to remove the offending post right this very minute, as it no longer represents his current lifestyle.

Let it be known that Mr. Eldrick Tont Woods is a Buddhist. He even has a bracelet. Therefore, with the power vested in me, I hereby direct you to delete, edit, desist, delist, dismember and toast the offending post in such manner that neither you, nor successors and heirs, notwithstanding ex parte bling in situ mingo spatula flamp, can ever do anything like this ever again. Just stop it right now. We are watching you, Mr. Green, and we are prepared to get very angry.

Yours truly,

J. Gunther Splunt
Attorney At Law
Feckle Splunt Dross