Friday, April 09, 2010

Mr. Cooper Green

Mr. Eldrick Tont Woods, commonly known as Tiger Woods, has retained our firm as a result of a defamatory post that recently appeared on your blog "Talk Puppets". Mr. Woods is understandably all aquiver as a result of this post, which unreasonably draws attention to his recent randy behaviour. As his Attorney, on behalf of Mr. Woods I require you to remove the offending post right this very minute, as it no longer represents his current lifestyle.

Let it be known that Mr. Eldrick Tont Woods is a Buddhist. He even has a bracelet. Therefore, with the power vested in me, I hereby direct you to delete, edit, desist, delist, dismember and toast the offending post in such manner that neither you, nor successors and heirs, notwithstanding ex parte bling in situ mingo spatula flamp, can ever do anything like this ever again. Just stop it right now. We are watching you, Mr. Green, and we are prepared to get very angry.

Yours truly,

J. Gunther Splunt
Attorney At Law
Feckle Splunt Dross


Soda and Candy said...

"He even has a bracelet"

Case closed.

Welcome back, Cooper!

Some Guy said...

Don't listen to him, CG. Splunt's a hack.

Cooper Green said...

Lovely hearing from you, Sweets and Chris. There's been a hole in my life, and I plan to fill it with dreck.