During our occasional Green Family reunions, Tuesday is traditionally set aside for the Green Family Baby Pageant. And, what a departure from our previous reunion in 2007 when there were 17 new Green offspring under a year of age. This year, we managed just three! But they were little cuties just the same, even including cousin Elizabeth's baby Wanda who can hardly be expected to take the blame for not being emptied prior to the Photo Session. Creative little Wanda discovered that side-to-side rocking was sufficient to expel generous portions of her suffocating poop through the leg openings of her diaper.
Second Cousin Jennifer volunteered an interesting take on the lack of procreation since the last Green Family Reunion. An active and aggressive slut with substance abuse issues, Jenny's looks are leaving her faster than the flies are arriving. But she had been passably attractive as recently as last year, and was quick to assure all of us that the lack of babies was not for lack of fornication amongst the Green females. Rather, she expressed disappointment in the male Greens whose lusty urges were intact, but whose overuse of steroids and growth hormones were preventing them from being much use at all in the sack. Jennifer even speculated that this might be the last crop of babies we see at a Green reunion.
On that sobering note, the photo session went considerably longer as we contemplated the diminishing presence of Green newborns in tomorrow's world. It also provided Wanda with a chance to dig out every last morsel of poop in her diaper, and create a shit diorama of staggering scope and energy.
Later this week is the Miss Green Family Beauty Pageant, always a treat, and as usual the frisky male Greens can hardly wait to ogle at their sisters, nieces, cousins and daughters. I'm pleased to report that Cousin Hester's recent travails have forced her to reconsider competing. She has promised to look after the deep fried Mars Bar concession instead, which is much more suited to her talents. The unpleasant images and events surrounding the passing and dramatic departure of Uncle Preston seem to have faded quickly, although I must admit feeling that there is an ominous sense of foreboding that seems to accompany all our family events: the midget toss, the three-legged race and the Parcheesi tournament all seem to have had an air of uncertainty about them.
There goes my imagination. I'll be sure to give you another update later in the week, so stay tuned.
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- ▼ August (28)